PokerJobber

It’s time for me to get serious - the second week in a row I got my junks kicked. After Jason flopped a straight with A2 on a board of 345 I bet and bluffed hard pushing all in on the turn when the board paired fours…he actually thought he was beat and took a while to call. I’ve been in a slump the last couple outings…I need to step it up.

I did however win a two table Stars-n-Bars tournament at Broadland’s Pub on Monday. This means I qualify for the bi-monthly regional tournament to be held in mid Feb. First place in that tournament is a trip for two to Vegas…so that’d be neato.

Session Date: 1/24/2007
Location: Broadlands, VA

*Host

After a brutal night for myself, and endless rivers for Hoover, I decided to reraise all in for my remaining $15 after Dwayne raised to $2 on the button.  It was the last hand of the night, and I wanted to believe Dwayne was buying the pot…when he said “it’s a move, I want to buy the pot” I should have known he was fibbing, instead I moved all in to try and buy it myself.  I wanted him to fold because I only held …unfortunately he called and showed .  A on the turn made my donkey play look profitable, but karma kicked me in the junks when a hit on the river to give Hoover the pot and to make him the big wiener of the night.
Session Date: 1/17/2007
Location: Lansdowne, VA

*Host

Session Date: 1/12/2007
Location: Ashburn, VA

*Host

Normally, I’d be referring to Hoover and myself as the a-holes…but not this night. Dwayne and I got to the smokey Broadlands Pub about 10 minutes before the first Stars-n-Bars tournament started. Our table was fun, no complete maniacs, but still plenty of loose play as is expected at a free poker tournament. Since there were only about 20 people playing, we found ourselves at the final table before long and I even ended up taking 2nd place and won a $15 gift certificate to the pub. Not too shabby. Let’s stick around for the late game!

That’s when they showed up. Words cannot possibly convey the annoyingness of this couple to you…but I will try. If you have ever seen the SNL sketch about the two A-Holes that will give you a small inkling as to the demeanor of this couple. Take the ass-hole couple, get them really drunk, then pretend they only know how to talk in screams. Now whatever your imagining in your head, multiply the annoying factor by 100. Now take the female of the pair (named Christie I believe), sit her at the poker table, and have her male counterpart(named Douchebag I believe) act as her beer-bitch (or wine-bitch I guess), cheering section, unsolicited advice giver, general table lurker/leaner/pointer/jumper/screamer.

The first I notice the couple is when Douchebag is dropping of a drink for Christie, leans across the table, and elbows a player in the side of the head. He turns and starts walking away when the players says, “Most people apologize after elbowing someone in the head”. Douchebag turns around and says, “I probably didn’t even hit you very hard” in that I’m-a-douchebag-and-I’m-never-apologizing voice. Douchebag walks away and the player sarcastically says, “Nice guy” - to which Christie replies, “HE IS!”. Uh oh…just a little foreshadowing of things to come.

Now let me just say, being a beginner at a poker tournament (especially a free tournament) is completely fine. People will help you, you can ask question, you’ll make mistakes, but it will be fine. It is not OK to be a beginner that knows nothing, and try to tell everyone else that they are wrong. Here are a few completely serious statements that came out of Christies mouth:

• “3,4,5 - that’s a full house right, I win” *turns to neighbor* “345 is a full house right?”
• (After losing to a flush) “Three aces beats a flush.”
• I have a straight: 7,8,9,10.

She played what another player described as “Oopsie poker”. This was it exactly, she would call people on the river with a jack high because she thought she had a big hand “Oopsie” - then would check down her made straight because she didn’t know she had it. “Oopsie.”

Christie had a great joke that she altered slightly throughout the night. It never got old. Ever. (Talking to me) “Are you even 21, let me see your ID.” “Are you even 18, let me see your ID.”

When Christie insisted that three aces beats a flush and was told it did not, she asked each person at table individually which hand wins… everyone (individually) says the flush wins. I decide to stir the pot a bit and say “normally the aces win but they have different rules here”. She then calls the tournament director over and asks, “Does a flush beat three aces” to which he replies, “Every time.”

“Are you even 13? Let me see your ID.”

With four players left I was severely short stacked with almost half of my chips in the big blind. I decide before the hand I will go all in with anything. Anything happened to be . I was called by . I had two live cards and was still 33% to win. After a flop of I had 14 outs and it was now a coinflip. This is when Douchebag starts jumping up and down, leaning over the table, and pointing at me while saying something similar to, “that was soooo dumb, all in with two five, why would you ever do that?” over and over. The river two was the sweetest suckout I’ve ever had.

“Are you even 12? Let me see your ID.”

Somehow I find myself heads up with Christie. She had me outchipped about 4 to 1 or more, but it was nothing 2 double ups wouldn’t fix. I looked down at a king and pushed it in…unfortunately she paired her 8 and won the tournament. Douchebag then told everyone how good Christie was, and how bad everyone else was…a recurring theme.

Congrats Christie, with grace and elegance, well played.

Session Date: 1/4/2007
Location: Reston, VA

*Host